specialness | stumbling through motherhood with my baby girl and loving every moment

Getting Together #dosomethingyummy

I don’t know if I’ve ever really talked about it on here, but I co-run a parenting group in Coventry – Coventry & Warwickshire Attached Parents (or CovWarksAP – or CWAP, which I find quite comical). I run the group with Niki, another local mum who I came across by chance, via Natural Mamas, back in July last year. Niki makes babywearing bags, among other things, in her shop Nikidoodles. I noticed that the location was Coventry, so I sent her a message asking her if she could recommend any Attachment Parenting friendly groups or activities in the area.

When Becca was still new, we went to quite a few groups. We went to the breastfeeding group at the local SureStart almost every week, we went to Baby Start regularly, we took a baby massage class and did a term of Baby Sensory. I took a Buggyfit course, and we have attended Waterbabies since 8 weeks. I tried a couple of the local Netmums meet ups, but didn’t really click with anyone, and it was the same with our local play group. I really enjoyed getting out and having my week filled with little activities. Then, when Becca got to about 4 months old, I sort of fell out of love with them all. The breastfeeding group was lovely, and it was nice to go along and chat with other mums and have a cup of tea, but then Becca was almost the oldest there, and ladies started to disappear after a few sessions of talking about weaning. There was very much a feeling of doing your duty for X months, and then it was over. Talk of early weaning, because the baby was hungry, or top ups, because they wouldn’t settle. I couldn’t do the small talk, as I wasn’t planning to stop and I wasn’t concerned about being able to go out or have someone else feed her. I was just fine, and so I no longer fit in. The same pattern emerged across other baby groups. At Baby Sensory, I didn’t really bond with anyone. It was mostly older mums, in a relatively wealthy area. They didn’t seem to know how to talk to me or what to say. Sessions consisted of the same small talk every week, and I had nothing to say. Every week, the same old questions. Is she sleeping through yet? Oh you poor thing. Have you weaned her yet? That would help her sleep. How much milk does she have? Formula would help you know. It all seemed like a competition. Like we, as mothers, weren’t able to strike up a conversation that wasn’t about comparing baby statistics. It was depressing. It was baby top trumps, and because of our parenting choices, Becca always seemed to lose.

Becca ready and waiting for some people to arrive, at our second ever session.

I stopped going to everything, apart from our weekly Waterbabies session, by the time she was 6 months. I was lonely. I was desperate to meet some likeminded parents who would be happy to talk about baby led weaning, cosleeping and breastfeeding past six months. I was desperate to meet parents who wouldn’t suggest I just put her down, just give her a bottle, just stop doing whatever I was doing that wasn’t ‘normal’ and so was clearly wrong, just stop being me.

I messaged Niki, hopeful that she must know some group somewhere. Something, anything, to get me out of the house and meeting other parents. She didn’t. She said, perhaps jokingly, that we should set something up. I said yes, we should. So we did.

We spent the next month making grand plans, exchanging emails every day, phoning venues all over the city to try and find somewhere to hold our group. We hadn’t met in person until half way through the planning, but I already knew she was good people. It was amazing, to be quite honest, to meet someone ‘in the flesh’ who thought the same things as I did. Someone who I didn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing or upsetting them because they did something differently or what they would be saying about me after I left. I felt so comfortable talking to Niki, and it was so freeing.

Our group was started to allow parents who believe in an Attachment or natural approach to meet, to talk without competition or comparison, and to feel safe and not judged for their parenting choices. I think we have achieved that, although our group is still small and we only have one regular weekly member aside from Niki and I. As well as meeting Niki, I have made another good friend through the group, so I suppose in that sense it has already served it’s purpose. It is nice to get out at least once a week and feel that I am doing something good. It is nice to feel like we are there for people, if they want us. It is nice to get together with people who parent the way you parent, or even if they don’t, they are understanding about your choices. It’s nice to get together.

If you are in the Coventry or Warwickshire area and follow an Attachment or natural parenting style, please check out our website www.attachedparents.co.uk for more information about our group. We would love for you to come along and chat with us. We also have a cloth nappy library and an AP book library which we have at every group session.

This post was inspired by a blogging prompt from Nickie at Typecast to help raise awareness of CLIC Sargent’s Yummy Mummy week, which runs 10th to 18th March 2012.

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16.02.2012 • Posted in Baby, Blog by Janet • 5 Comments

What Family Means To Me #dosomethingyummy

Family is a tricky thing, isn’t it? It is something that everyone has in common, and yet something completely unique. No two families are the same. I bet it’s not easy to explain your family to someone new. Families are full of heartwarming stories and tall tales. Who means what to who, and where are they now? Who do you get one with, and who do you miss? Who are you close to, and what do they do? I love how complex and interesting our family ties can be. I love how our families can continuously surprise us.

They are such a big thing, families. All of these people who we are connected to, and often don’t even know. Those who we are connected to in ways we didn’t even realise. Things that go unsaid, others presuming you already know, and then one day you do and so much more makes sense. Learning of all that came before you, and the ripples that continue as time goes on. The intricate and delicate relationships that make up this group of people, bonded together.

There’s plenty of family to gain, too. The family that is gathered along the way through marriage, who soon feel like they were always there. New people marry in, bringing not just themselves but their own families too. The family of your partner, who welcome you with open arms, adding you into theirs. All of these people, family, all connected. Always growing. New babies are born, and in the future, their babies. The family net is cast wide. You meet people who know your people, find you are somehow related to others without ever realising. Someone, somewhere, often knows someone somewhere else.

Then there is the family that isn’t really family at all. Your chosen family. The dear friends who you can’t imagine life without. The aunts who aren’t really related, but you often forget that fact. They say you can’t choose your family, but we can, and often do. Family are those who you surround yourself with, those who are there for you no matter what, those who you look forward to spending time with, those who stand the test of time. Ask someone to explain their family to you and if they are lucky, they wouldn’t know where to start.

Best of all, there is the family you create. The person that you meet, who changes everything. The plans you make together. The life you make together. The life you make, together.

Family. It’s an amazing thing. A complicated, intriguing, exciting, frustrating, amazing, ever evolving and completely special thing.

This post was inspired by a blogging prompt from Nickie at Typecast to help raise awareness of CLIC Sargent’s Yummy Mummy week, which runs 10th to 18th March 2012.

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09.02.2012 • Posted in Blog by Janet • 6 Comments

What My Child Means To Me #dosomethingyummy

Anyone that knows me will know that I have always always wanted to be a mum. I haven’t planned for much in life, but I have always planned to have babies. Have babies and get married. Pretty solid life goals, there.

When I met Dave, living together in a shared flat at University, I had no idea that just over 5 years later we would have a one year old daughter and be engaged to be married. He was a friend, a lovely one at that, and I loved him. I loved him, but not like that. Ew. Then, suddenly, I did. I knew that this was different, and I knew I didn’t ever want him to go away. I’d have happily married him right away, but apparently that’s not cool.

I knew he would make a great dad. I was super excited for this future that I couldn’t wait to make with him.

I nagged.

We started trying for a baby. Probably mostly to shut me up. Let’s just say it didn’t take us long and then I was pregnant. Woah. It was awesome and exciting and totally scary and weird. Mostly ~~scary~~ exciting.

40 weeks and 4 days later, Rebecca was born. Woah. It was awesome and exciting and totally scary and weird. Mostly ~~scary~~ exciting. Also tiring, and a little bit gross.

What’s important, though, is that we had a baby. Our baby. We had made this tiny little baby and she was all ours. It was down to us. We had to take her home and keep her safe and love her. It was awesome and exciting and totally scary and weird. I mean, we were parents now. Shouldn’t we have had to take some kind of test for this? Surely we weren’t responsible enough to be parents. I guess we were, as we had decided we were going to be, and then we went and did it. And now she was here. And she was amazing.

She has changed her life like I could never imagine. I’m no idiot, I knew having a baby was going to be a life changing experience. I mean, you have a baby. Life changing. It’s one of those things, though, that you can never really imagine until it’s happened.

A year on from her birth, and I can’t imagine life without her. My life is all about her, caring for her and nurturing her and supporting her to grow into whoever she decides she wants to be. I can’t really remember what things were like before she was around. I am so used to her being here, I don’t know what I’d do if she wasn’t. That is possibly the scariest part. It scares the crap out of me that something could happen to our baby. To my baby. I guess that fear will always be with me, even when she is all grown up with a family of her own. I will always worry about her, because that is my job. I just hope that I never have anything much to worry over.

This post was inspired by a blogging prompt from Nickie at Typecast to help raise awareness of CLIC Sargent’s Yummy Mummy week, which runs 10th to 18th March 2012.

Twitter #dosomethingyummy